It's a good thing...

Because Facebook satisfies so much of my need to stay in touch with people without having to spend too much time and energy, I've neglected this blog for what seems like an eternity. And in doing so, maybe I've neglected myself...I keep telling myself to journal, to write down all that is my incredible life, so that I have something to spark the memories when I'm old and frail. And also so that one day, my kids will know ME. But I never do.

I also think that, certainly in terms of this blog, it's been hard for me to share all that has been going on over the past nine months. I'm usually a very private person, much more content to listen to other people share their most intimate details. It's hard to say that you are not going to be married any longer to someone you've been with since you were 19 years old (that's 23 years, more than half my life!). And it's hard for people to understand that you are parting on good terms - that this person is your best friend and you are connected through your kids and your friendship for life. And even harder to say what comes next when people ask, "But why?!?" and you say, "Because I fell in love with someone and in doing so, found myself. And that's because the other person is a woman."

One of my earliest memories is from when I was four years old, spending my days at Bon Petit Nursery in Maryland. I knew, without a doubt, that I was equally in love with two people; Todd, who at five was an older man and in kindergarten, and Sherry, who was a four year old dynamo in white gogo boots. But as you get older, society and parental expectations take over...and in my case, I was also lucky enough to find the man I wanted to have as the father of my children. But there was still a part of me that dug what came in white gogo boots...it was just buried, laying dormant. Until Becky.

With Becky, I have found my perfect match. She is masculine, feminine, stoic, emotional, caring, independent, hysterically funny, always engaging, and as a fellow Gemini, never boring. For the first time in my life, I do not feel like I have to be in charge...that if I don't do it, it won't get done. I feel safe enough to be emotionally vulnerable, a feeling that is new and crazy and wonderful. And having finally achieved this state in a relationship, I'm free to be authentic and feminine and loving in ALL my relationships - with my children, with Nigel, with my parents.

So yes, there have been changes in the past nine months, some more painful, some more rewarding. And one blog entry certainly doesn't cover it all...but it's a start. Just know that the end result, a result which is dynamic and blossoming, is one of happiness and acceptance and love...for my partner, my children, my extended family, my friends. And that, as Martha says, is a good thing.