So I had all these plans to blog from the road - which didn't happen because we were riding all day (and sometimes into the night, at one point pulling into Flagstaff AZ the night of July 3rd at midnight). That was not fun...riding thru the desert, scanning the road for deer or other critters, and trying to avoid staring into the headlights of big rigs as they barreled down the road toward you. Anita and I have auxiliary lights, so we fired those up and then tag-teamed the lead, sort of like Rudolph bringing the sled in safely. Everyone was exhausted that night - I think that was the night that Becky and Colleen managed to stay awake by singing "9 to 5" and other goofball songs as loudly as possible. I love those girls. But I digress.
I never did blog from the road because I guess I was too busy living it to sit down and write about it. Now, of course, I wish I had - because so much of the trip is now a "feeling" instead of facts and figures. So I guess I'll start with the feelings, and add in the ride report details as I go along. So....where to begin? Let's start at the end...
I guess in a way this trip changed me, or maybe a better way to put it is that this trip made me more of who I am. I have never been part of a big family or joined a sorority, so to live, eat, and sleep with a dozen women for such a long period of time was both wonderful and challenging. As much as I love connecting with people, the very core of me is a loner - and I crave quiet and solitude in order to replenish myself to head back out into the world. Luckily I had the best roommate in the world for this trip: Becky. I don't think we ever had the TV on at night - we came in, unpacked, and then laughed about the ride, sharing observations etc., until...quiet. And I could read and chill out and think about how frigging lucky I was to be where I was. And that worked for the first week...but then remember the part about becoming more of who I really was? Well, that kicked in after week one. As much as I loved being with this group of amazing, intelligent, hysterically funny, kind and loving women - I was feeling like I wanted a different kind of ride. Instead of the group consciousness...I wanted more "me" consciousness. I had thought about it for a day or two, and when I heard that one or more of the girls might break off and head straight to Laughlin, I thought, "Okay, great, now I have permission to share my feeling to ride either solo or with a smaller group, and stop at every single thing that catches my eye without feeling guilty for holding up the group." And so I did.
But it's so very hard for me to speak up like that when all I want to do is make sure that everyone is happy. I can be bossy as all hell when I'm running other people's lives (that's what happens when you plan events for a living), but when it comes to piping up with a need of my own vs. that of the group? Yikes. So when I did speak up, at that dang IHOP in Enid Oklahoma, I think it may have come out wrong. Because it must have seemed to my dearest friends that I didn't want them around me because I didn't love them as madly as I do...and for that, I'm really truly sorry. It breaks my heart to think that I have hurt someone's feelings - especially one person in particular who I think is one of the coolest women I've met. So as much as the ride for me after that point became everything my heart wanted it to be, it was bittersweet, because I think now that I could have handled it differently. I was just so churned up with the noise in my head and heart that I didn't hear anything beyond my need to escape. Sigh.
So I guess that's the feeling part of the ride report. The journey was incredible, empowering, exhilarating, liberating, joyful, chaotic, and yet tinged with sadness that I was the reason that we all didn't cross the finish line together. But all along, as I told my friend Hal, I knew that for once - WHO I was and WHERE I was was RIGHT. I had reached my profound sense of being, rocking it on the byways of America on a motorcycle.
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